Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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