Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
