I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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