i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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