i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
