well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
