Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
