we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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