I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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