if i died would you start the facebook group?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
