its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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