We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
