I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
