it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
