I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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