Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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