Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
