When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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