And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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