I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
