is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
