bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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