I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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