i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
two words: eviction party
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i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
tell me about the eggs
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