Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
