I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
