Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
