McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
