Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
