It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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