We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You dont lie about slip and slides
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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