At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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