ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
