I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
two words: eviction party
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
