the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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