he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
