There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
