He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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