How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
