I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
