wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
