problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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