i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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