Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
