Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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