Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
