ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
