Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i need some magic done to my vagina
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
