we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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