Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My feet surprised me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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