Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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